I'm not sure what is up with my obsession with the end of the world lately, but as promised in the podcast a couple of weeks ago inspired by this article from NPR, here is the official mathematical formula I have derived through scientific research. Use this formula to predict what the chance of dying from a solar flare is in your specific location at the time of calculation.

The variables and constants defined, then explanation.

• d = Probability of the chance of destruction via solar flares
• l = The latitude of your location
• g = The longitude of your location
• c = Current temperature in Celsius
• r = Tone's random/constant: A random number between 1-10
• s = The speed of light: 299,792,458 m/s

By calculating this formula, you will arrive at a probability of how likely it is that you will be destroyed by solar flares, otherwise known as d.

First, we take the absolute value of the latitude (l) plus the longitude (g) of your current location. The reason for this is because one's location has a direction impact on your position to the sun, thus increasing your chances of being engulfed in a solar flare. Obviously.

Then you multiply this value by the current temperature of where you are. It is very important that you use the current temperature, otherwise you will not get accurate results. Simple logic follows that the hotter it is, the more likely that the sun will kill you.

The next step is to multiply by r, Tone's random constant. Because a lot of catastrophic projections involve wild speculation, it is only appropriate to include your own wild speculation. Thus, feel free to choose any number between 1 and 10. It makes for the best science. Look it up.

Finally you take this value and divide it by s, the speed of light. This is because the chance of destruction is directly impacted by how quickly the solar flares will advance towards the earth. You can't argue with science. I encourage you to try this equation to see your chance of imminent destruction by solar flares.

For example. the absolute value of my latitude and longitude is 67.767. I then multiply that by 8.889 (for the temperature) and then multiply that by 7 (a good lucky number). This results in 4,216.667. Divide this by the speed of light, and you get .000014. This means that I have a .0014% chance of dying from a solar flare at this moment. 

You're welcome. Use this information wisely. Tell your mom you love her.